Ride

That stupid slow pace that hits life sometimes when you're not fully around, when maybe you're not listening or maybe just sitting back, like sitting in the back seat of a cab, a long journey across a bridge when it's such a long night you don't know if it's closer to morning or midnight. You tilt your head back a while and think, nothing there but that same slow pace, like there's an answer just waiting for you to get but you're not, because you're stuck dragging something heavy, dragging it all the way, that story of your past, that one story, not all the other garbage, this particular brand of garbage you remember more than the rest. You look out the window, barely no start in the night skies, but street lamps and headlights, as the road curves ahead you can see the lonely reds signaling a future that looks just like before. But there's a genuine feel, just beyond the glass you rest your head against and think, a genuine feel of something or other, you don't really try to grasp it, because how it feels isn't something to pursue, to understand, or explain, it's just there for that one moment about to pass, all that's left is to close your eyes and soak it in before it fades. Because hey, the rest of life is just smoke, traffic jams and clouds of smoke, green means go and red means stop, but yellow, yellow is always there, and you don't know what it means, too scary to run, and you can't just stop every step of the way, wishing it really was as simple as green, red and dark, but yellow is all you got.

One endless night, one we're not supposed to survive, one we're not supposed to fight. We are meant to know, find for ourselves which road is wrong and which is right, because it's not that end of the road we seek, it's not the morning's light, it's us. So I'm glad, I'm glad we still get those moments sometimes, moments where it's no longer about choices and mistakes, it's more pure than that, just a blind feel and a deep breathe filling my lungs, one more smile in such an endless night.

Like!

They lie, people lie… They’d like you to believe it when they tell you humans are judged and known by their actions, but the painful truth of the matter is that we’ve become a generation that can barely even tell what an action is. It seems some lack the ability to tell the difference between a question and a comment, go on; just go ahead and ask a philosophical yet simple question, and some would simply just hit ‘like’ what world do we live in where so few seek answers anymore, drooling idiots like bugs distracted by the slightest beam of light, and it’s not that we’re judgmental, no, it’s that first impressions are all we get anymore even with those we’ve known too long, and our analytical thinking is as dumb and ignorant as any judgmental look, listen to people talk and explain their ignorance in big fat words, talk of how they view life and themselves, dabble in religion and politics, self-proclaimed experts, but they taught themselves how to be idiots inside a well-dressed skin, it’s easy finding the glaringly wrong side, not so easy actually understanding it, telling the difference between what’s really wrong and what was caught in the crossfire, so no one tries to look anymore, if someone is wrong it means everything else around him\her is just as bad, yay look how smart we are, we’re smart ma… we’re… what? Critical, Liberal, Modern… heh, too many buckets of words that probably meant something important one day but that day has long gone fallen into murky waters in those buckets sullied by our something or other, so… Like!

The reason mankind never rests in peace is that there’s a war between our ability to think and our innate desire to find common grounds, common thoughts tuckered under umbrellas of labels and what’s sad is we look at the image from topside, sharing the view of the rain when it falls, eventually seeing nothing but the classifications others made of what’s this and that, what’s right and what’s wrong, all spread over a tiny canvas of colored spots wet with maybe our tears or others’, we just choose ones and accept as a whole and call the others names, call it judgmental, call it evolution, stereotypes, call it whatever you wish it to sound like, as long as you nod along and… Share!

I understand we need to find a perfectly acceptable moment for everything we do and everything we feel, but we fail to seek the same for our thoughts, we think but we never take a slightest attempt at earning those thoughts, and so in time they betray us, giving us away to mindless shatter of what others convey out of shallowness and laziness, we become who we really are, an emptier image of what we could’ve been if we tried better, and we didn’t because we didn’t; not out of failure, we let our minds find comfortable seats in corners occupied by others who seem relevantly familiar to our pain and gain, and we stick around for the warmth, for the cheers, but mainly out of fear… look around, people marching everywhere and chanting, a nation’s mid-life crisis, who thinks before they speak, who thinks before they act, who gives weight to these thoughts and tries to understand them, where they stem from and why, is every intelligent thought brought about by a half dead organ correct to become a messiah for our deeds… without either thought or doubt you’d become them; the ones you’d only notice if you weren’t one of them and hopefully over trying to be, without any meaningless progress of the mind they became empty drones, ready to be filled and fueled by the thoughts of others guiding them in mass to fulfill a desire and intention they will never comprehend, and it doesn’t make it any less wrong if the outcome is good.

The rules of MAN! Made by man to protect mankind, (Sorry Ladies; English is biased) can I get an “Amen!” What used to be a sin is now a right, not because we understand anything or believe in anything, but because we’re simply better than the ones before who -get this- made a lot of mistakes, if you fail to recognize the audacity of our irony then you’re a far better person than I am or just a fucking idiot, and what is now completely and without a doubt perceived as sinful is also right now a breakfast in bed routine somewhere else in the world, and by world I mean this little piece of rock we live in and think is so huge, what makes them right and we wrong? Are they better because we made slightly more mistakes or because we corrected past mistakes at a lesser pace, maybe they just had a head start on us, if born somewhere else a person would be that much different? Same age, same mind, just a plane ticket away, why can no one see this for what it is? A degrading scale of our reluctance, inevitably accepting the new for its fresh new looks, well know this; one day someone will wake up to go to work just like every other day cursing his luck for living in such a back warded country where even murder is illegal, they make it look so cool in movies, the right to bear arms? Why not use them? I mean if you let someone kill you it must’ve been your fault right? What… too absurd, right maybe start with something small like theft or bribery, then slowly crawl your way to bigger game, I mean it’s not like there are ever such glaring differences in our conception of sins, bad is bad right? And we’re perfectly capable of finding that out on our own. Exactly like we all agree that adultery and alcohol are… hmm I guess Gas & Alcohol Don’t Mix!

Di Masr

Heya aslaha mesh balad koffar wala balad 3ayza el 7ar2 mayenfa3hash 3’er darb el gezam, heya mogarad balad, men bara fakret a5bar fi nashra fi yom momel we men gowa ‘3aZeema ya masr’ we eshaal men el 5otab el 7amdana we 2a7dan el 7anan el faksana, bas el 7a2ee2a enaha ba2et set 3agouza la2etha fel share3 we karart te3tef 3aleeha laken el 7a2ee2a enak mate3rafhash wala te3raf 3anha 7aga, fi nas 2ablak ye3rafooha laken enta la2, wadetha dar moseneen we sebtaha henak we  neseet, adeek betedfa3 el fatoora kol shahr we te2ool le nafsak ana mabansahash. Yom men el 2ayam el doctor kalemak we 2alak el 7aga ta3bana, eh el far2 maheya tool 3omraha 3ayana wenta mate3rafsh, bas el maradi 2aloolak, we 3ashan gada3 aw 3ayez tesbet nafsak gada3 2omt tert 3aleeha we 2olt “mesh mashy 3’er lama teb2a koweysa”

We fe3lan 2a3adt, 2a3adt sa3a wetnen, bas batareet el mobile mesh mash7oona we law fasal wala hayeb2a fi wi-fi wala 7ata angry birds, kalemt so7abak wa7ed wa7ed la7ad elly redy feehom yeegy geh, 2a3ad yeharag ma3ak nosaya we ba3deen baselak we howa mesta3’rab we sa2alak “heya meen dih?” radet enta bekol seqa we 2olt esmaha, manta 7afez esmaha kowayes, “aywa meen di ya3ny?” bardo sa2al el 3’ateet, bas el marady ma3andaksh 7aga te2olha, “tayeb 3andaha eh?” bardo mate3rafsh, asl enta 2aloolak anaha 3ayana wenta sada2t bas masa2altesh, we fe3lan tel3et 3ayana, waram 5abees we shalo laken da mesh ma3nah ennak mesh 7omar. Fel 2a5er sa7bak zehe2 we 2am, 2alak “teegy ma3aya” 2olt enta bekol 7azm l2, 2olt hatbat ma3aha la7ad el sob7, we sa7bak mafakarsh yes2al leh, hayewga3 dema3’o leh?

Maheya aslaha mesh balad koffar wala balad 3ayza el 7ar2, “Di Masr” we7na… e7na 7afzeen esmaha kowayes, maho 3ala ra2y el nasheed da “esm ma5loo2 lel 5olood” bas ana mesh ha2ool di gomla 7aram 3ashan ba3d phobiet el felool ba2a 3andena phobiet 2e5wan, da 3ady! bas elly yeza3al enaha te2leb phobiet adyaan, we keda keda mesh far2a, zay el 7omar enta 3ereft taree2 el meedan, maba2ash lazem 7ad yesoo2ak 3ala henak, we ya3ny enta hate3mel eh ya 3’alban, manta ben el face lel telfaz 3ayez tefar2a3 nafoo5ak, democrateya we shar3eya, azma ektesadeya we re2asa destoreya, da 3’er yameesh we mosalsalat Ramadan, fein ayam el kamera el 5afeya? Kanet bed3a le-aboya bas taree5 leya, bas ana 2al2an, 5aretat taree2 we ree7et 7okm 3askar da 3’er el 7arb el ahleya, mabeen 5,6,7,3,4 we millionya, welly ye2olak el 2e5wan weslo 3adadhom 34 million fi midaan rab3a el 3adaweya, lol, bas 3al telvizion ye2olak ne7eb ba3d we na7taden ba3d we nerga3 le 7odn masr we shabab el thawra, maho 5elesna men el sawabe3 rasha2na fi 2a7dan katyana, welcome to “Hartalet ba3d el thawra” – Morsi edition, we7na adeena et3awedna 3ala keda… maheya Di Masr!

Something

There are two sides to each of our lives, one that doesn’t matter, and one we barely ever notice, it’s like the fight between darkness and light, never ending, never surrendering, you can’t see it but you can feel it, and maybe you can even taste it, but if you look deep enough into your heart maybe you’ll know it, a cracked mirror and in it your shattered reflection, do you see it? More importantly; do you understand? Cause I don’t care.

Important moments in the stream of our breaths governed by fast pace and neglect, the parents to our confusion, and what do they say? “Ignorance is bliss” maybe so… but who knows what ignorance is? I mean how much knowledge does a human need to actually reach a point in his life to be able to call himself ignorant, bfft, I’ll try to abandon my metaphors for a few seconds, nothing about rats in a maze or tiny speckles of dust carried away by a bitchy wind suffering a hangover, no we’re humans, or so we dare call ourselves, and yet we rarely attempt to see that, to understand that, we selfishly give away our sense of morality just bit by bit, day by day we accept more mistakes as validated reality, registering more and more nightmares as facts of life, giving no chance to others but to fall just a little bit deeper into who they think they are, but the truth is; we never were given a fair choice, I mean where’s the alternative here, blindly following in the footsteps of those that ruled us when we weren’t around? Or completely rebelling against everything about that to the point that we don’t even know what we’re rejecting anymore, when do we stop for a second and evaluate what is wrong and what is right, at least then if you make a mistake you’ve had the decency of trying to make something out of all this mess, instead what do we do? We surrender away the keys to our emotions in the hands other means, society’s beliefs, lyrics and music, people, and what we have to live with every day, it takes time but eventually it’s like we can’t function correctly without them anymore, something’d be missing, and you know then that you’ve lost something, I’m no better than anyone, I’m sitting here preaching searching for something I already found a long time ago listening to music and trying to make myself feel at home, if I plugged that music out of my head what would happen I honestly wonder, is it an industry that simply depends on me to survive and feed our unsavory need for entertainment, or have I come to undoubtedly depend on it for a quick fix, an emotional high state I’m losing the ability to get to on my own, a good song that reminds me of a nice memory making me feel happy even though five minutes ago when I remembered that very moment I felt nothing, and then another that makes me angry, funny how music would drive you angry more than news these days, but maybe that’s just me, yeah it probably is just me… isn’t it?!

To be continued…