Cigarette

        Life is like a cigarette, a pack of smokes in the pocket of a fool, a stream of poisons clouding up our thoughts, closing down the curtains between us and the ones that really matter, between our hearts and their dreams, we live our lives in the bathroom holding it to our lips thinking we are the ones who are burning it, while it sets our souls on fire turning us into ashes, keep sucking on it while it sucks our thoughts away.
Life is like a cigarette in the hands of a kid, thinking he became the man of the matter holding it up proudly, but when faced by reality he can't run for a few meters. Days are just like nicotine entering our hearts taking our future from under our feet.

        Life is something and out, and at the end of the day all you feel is that itch in your chest, the need to spit over the shaking ground, have a drink and go straight to sleep, coughing your troubles away, staying out of the faces of the people you love not to let them near your stinking breaths, more and more you keep slipping out of the back of the theater, leaving your role for others and others to play, telling yourself that you can do it no more, All alone, by every step of giving up you take, you lie to yourself saying "what can I do", deceiving yourself telling it you ain't running away, you're just being smart, well you're not, for in the end you find yourself locked away from all that is good and bad, trapped inside the walls you built around you, only now can you see the truth of what you lost and what you never gained, only now you see that you got no more cigarettes left, life is over and you're all alone, alive and safe within your fort, but are you safe from the solitude within yourself, you stand and look but you can't see beyond your own skin, your eyes itches from the smoke around you, Life is like a cigarette when you forget yourself in it you forget everything else, when you can't risk losing it you risk losing everyone else, and when you keep holding onto it you end up filling the air around you with clouds of uncertainty keeping you away from those who care for you, but you can't see them you can't judge.

        I never smoked before but people have been smoking all around me, afraid of losing their lives, the lives they never had, I close my eyes and hold my breath, get there inside looking for you, but I can't do it on my own, I can't see, my mind is numb, the smoke is too high, if only you'd reach your hands, if only you'd call on my name, I will hear you, I will never leave you here alone, I won't get out without you by my side, I'll get you out of there, or I'll die here shocking in the dark, smiling at my tears.

        I close my eyes, let the sound of my voice shuffle the thoughts in the back of mind, get lost between me and myself, I open my eyes and look at the view, for a second I wait, I wait for this is how it always begins, I open my eyes again, again I'm free, I hear nothing but my soul, see nothing but my early dreams, why do I so hunger to be hollow, why do I bare this thirst for a freedom no human ever had for more than an instant, may be a full moment is more than what a human can bare, I'm stuck between my thoughts and my beliefs, between my hopes and my deceits, me and myself, I know both sides, but what I'm not aware of is which side am I, the mad love filling me towards the very existence of the universe, or the potential rage filling me towards every thought of destruction, how could I be both worlds, what chain could possibly ever link us together, the manifestation of its core, and why do I keep focusing on that chain more than the solution I can't find for a crisis I can't realize, maybe she is that chain, that light, the bridge crossing me to myself, once again I find myself surrounded by my memories, killed by my own obsession, but how could passion have this ultimate power over me, how could love be my only salvation while at the same time my only fear, how could it be the only string keeping me from collapsing to abyss, and yet be the instrument of my destruction, but it's all been a shaded error of a mistake, for I never fought for her, never slapped my heart of this dream so to grab a reality.

        I try to make it through the maze that my mind drew for my soul to linger through, losing traces of my former self, slowly I become nothing but a broken shallow of a man, find myself looking at nothing but my footsteps, listening to nothing but my destructive thoughts, smelling the bitterness of the evil inside of me, trying desperately to let itself out, I found myself standing on a crossroads, on the verge of facing myself for the first time, I close my eyes, let the sound of nature shuffle the thoughts in the back of mind, get lost between me and myself, finding the common ground, but there were none, there is no limit, only when I think of her that I become one, but she's not here to save me from my conflict, or is she, once again the memory of her innocent eyes saves me from my lurking shadows, keep me away from a grave so deep that I can't see the end of it, all I ever needed was her soul, a pure miracle from a distant star, a truce between the universe and my heart, a dance between the air and my blood.

Over

         Some days go slow, some days go the other way around, tempo of life, we live but we dont know, we know but we're not alive, a childish idea, a bubble popping but like all great things forgotten in due time, all this is of no meaning, all this to tell you I missed you, but you're not here, and I'm not looking, I won't, happiness is a human flaw, sought only by the sane of us, by them, by you, I walk away, wounds have healed, wounds have grown, but unlike what kid me thought; they don't last, they only haunt you after they die and wither away, haunted, hunted, but you can only know what you see with your heart, but you had to look long enough to see beyond your premonitions, I keep walking bare foot on a grass of molten thorns, walking towards my own closure, destination isn't worth it, and neither is the journey, and when grass turns to sand hope turns to Ashe, I shall breath again, story of my life, never read it before, I just keep on writing, a million miles march, I wish I had a chance to forgive you, it would mean I held something inside, something to forgive, before letting go.