LiFe

         My head is empty which is something I’m not quite used to, I mean there’s always something I’m thinking about, some quotes in my head, or lyrics making stories, now I’m feeling so weird like I’m being someone else whom I’m not used to, hell I really don’t even know why am I saying this, I might as well delete it all after finishing it and no one will get into this empty hole with me, yeah, that’s what it feels like, a hole, like I’m in there with myself, someone threw us deep into it waiting for us to get to know each other, as if that’s something that could ever happen, you know being me is like sitting at the back of a crowded bus, I’m there, with all the people, but it’s like people are talking to each other and fighting over so many things but I’m just over there at the back watching them, having no hand in the matter, shutting my mind from their troubles and looking out the window to the streets blurring right by me without a sense of any meaning, and this music playing in my head making it sound more and more like an old movie replaying itself onto a rusty screen, probably no one is even left here watching it by me, and I’m not even falling asleep, the harder I look at it, the more unrealistic it becomes. Have you ever had this feeling that life is just too realistic to be real, as if it’s just one big dream that soon you and I will be waking up from, released from the collars of this mirage, sometimes I wonder how is it that I’m only me, just me, nobody else, it’s not that I ever wanted to be someone else, but it’s like this; I go somewhere, I meet some people for the first time and at the end of the day I leave and never see them again, a year later I’m only wondering what could’ve ever happened to them, we no longer live in the same world anymore, it’s like… I don’t know… being caged inside my mind, shut of from others, what would it have been like being them not me, then I’ll only be wondering what it would be like to be me, the old me, there’s no way out of it, is there? the question that I can’t even find the right words to ask, all I know is that when I open up my eyes again, I’m still right there at the end of the bus waiting for my stop to come, wondering if I’ve missed it, but ironically the road is still too long, and I was the one thinking I would open my eyes to see the curtains falling to end this realistic dream, it’s like I’m trapped inside the world and the whole world is trapped inside my head, like a game of hide and seek, but after playing it for so long I don’t even know anymore who’s the catch and who’s the seeker, should I run and hide, or look for the answers beneath the stones of mystery, maybe I should just shut up and sit in silence and wait till the wheels of the bus stop for me to go, but where was I going anyway, I can’t remember, all I remember is that I miss those days when I used to take the bus early each morning to school, I miss standing up in lines every morning doing exercises, I miss lunch time and trips, I miss teacher fighting with me every single day asking me to wear some heavier cloths for the cold or at least roll down my sleeves, I miss every single fact of these old days, good ones and bad, I even miss our homework and heavy backpacks, and I miss her so much, more than anything else in this whole world, she’s the only thing in this world that I don’t wanna risk waking up from, but that’s exactly what she is for me; a dream, the most beautiful of all dreams, but the most unrealistic of all, I honestly don’t know where exactly did my words drift to her, it seems that every time I write something her life finds it’s way back into my words, I can’t promise myself anything, I can’t promise it’ll ever end, I don’t think I even want it to… just thinking about it makes me alive, makes me feel that inside this dream there’s a human heart beating.

You know… maybe I’m going to the beach, maybe this is where this bus is taking me, a quite empty beach right before sunset, maybe this good old driver knows exactly what I need, he’ll just drop me off at this beach where no one else goes, and I would sit over the sand watching the sun going down wondering where it went, laying on my back for hours watching closely as the pure sky gets filled with so many stars I can barely see anymore black in the night, it all reminds me when I was young I used to think that the night was a cover, shades spread over the face of the sun for us and her to sleep, I used to think that the stars were holes made by a pin in that cover to let us know; the sun is still there, and that tomorrow will come, the blindfold will be lifted from a sleepy head… A dream within a dream making me see we’re not going to the beach, the midnight sun is burning my arm keeping my head from tilting through the window, my thoughts are boiling inside my brain shifting my wishes further more and more from my true desires, I can see we’re going to no beach or tropic island, they’re not leaving me alone are they, if only I could remember where was I going in the first place, if only I could ask them where are they taking me, people leaving and others coming aboard yet it seems like the faces remain the same, and right before I fell into another memory a man calls onto me telling me I’ve nearly missed my stop, I hurry up out of my seat and move towards the door, and before I went down I remembered I forgot to pay the driver his fare, I reached my hand to give him his money, but instead of a ticket he gave me a key, and before I could ask the bus was gone, eaten by the crowd, so many people walking around and I don’t know where I should go, I thought I’d know it when I get to my stop, but I’ve never been here before, can I be lost inside my own dream, this is just too realistic to be fair, but there’s nothing I can do about it, I just keep walking and hope my footsteps could take me in the right direction of this wrong place, but the heat is filling my thoughts with too many doubts, maybe this isn’t my stop, maybe this isn’t even my dream, maybe this is the answer to my question; being someone else, wondering what it’s like to be me, be the one I missed so much, just then I saw something, a light shining towards my face making me blind for a moment, and as my eyes adjusted to it, I looked again and saw what it was, a mirror, a huge mirror in the middle of nowhere, this is my stop, this is who I was looking for all this time, I felt sorry it took me so long to find my own self, but I felt happy for not being alone anymore, and for some reason I couldn’t help but notice what looked like a door knob on the side of the mirror, without hesitation I put my hands in my pocket and took out my ticket, my key, unlocking a door into myself as I held my hands and opened the mirror, my reflection into it did the same thing for me.

Here I’m standing at the other side of myself, I smile at what I see in front of me, another bus waiting for me, but this time I’m not wondering where I’m going, I know where I’m going; “Nowhere”, it doesn’t matter where my stop is, what matters is those memories in between, I was too afraid to live my days at school or speak my heart, I waited too long to take my cloth off and jump into the water of that beautiful beach, but now… I’m off to a new trip, a different road, it doesn’t matter where it takes me, all that matters is the dream; a dream within a dream within a dream… “LiFE”

Love Story

            Love for a moment... As I looked out of the window of the four wheeled vehicle taking me home I couldn't help but wonder how many people fall under the line of my sight every single day on the same way, I never counted but there must be dozens of new faces every single day, it's a lose I never had a chance to know every one of them, but today something different happened, it wasn't a hot day but still I couldn't stand the sun shining violently at my eyes opened ajar at the road beside me, I had the earphones tugged into my ears with all manners of lyrics and music, life was floating the same way it always does, an hour wasted out of my day just so I could get back home, looking to the same sights as always, same flaws, same laws, but this time I saw a girl, a beautiful girl nearly the same age as mine, I looked at her and smiled lightly for no reason at all, I drifted my head with her as the sight changed and ate her away, only for a moment could I gaze at her, only for a moment did I smile, only for a moment was my love story with her, for the next minute I'll be back to my head listening to the songs and thinking about what to do to make the day pass quicker, I didn't look at her merely because of her beauty, it was the simple desire of a human binded in me, something out of my control, for a moment there I loved her, and for another I lived my life, you see, every love story ever lived by a human is nothing but a moment, though sometimes a moment could last longer than another, but the undeniable fact is; for every moment there is a graveyard, and those who know this fact, are those living love to it's true face, the most amazing sight of love, it's mortality, you just look at whom you love thinking you might never see that person again, that person that without whom you're life could no longer go on, it's true your life will end, but that life isn't yours it's that of the moment, once the moment has ended its life ends with it... so just go look at him, or look at her and know that this could be the last time. It'll make every second much more wonderful, much more worth it.

    Love is like fire, but it's not the fire itself, it's the oxygen that feeds it, and just before that amount of air ends the flames gets to its peak, it's only just a matter of another moment before the wind carries it all away. I've learned so long ago never to regret whatever is gone with the wind, the secret lies in the next morning, a dawn carried by another wind, I learned to give myself a chance to be sad over what I lost but not regret whatever I've done, cause only by feeling sad for what I've lost I'll be happy with whatever to come, I lived to my mode for a long time but fate stabbed me in the back when I realized I was living in Antarctica, I get to see the sunrise only once, and only one other sunset before I get back to the dimness of my nights, the nights I became so familiar with, sometimes you wait all your life for something that when it passes you by; you get so excited that you forget to look at, just look at it for one last time before it leaves you to waste.

Here it goes; This is not a love letter

So here it goes, I'm a bit rusty I haven't written a single word in quite some time so bare with me a little, you know the drill, just read the words, go through the lines and at the end of the day I'm nothing but a far away voice in an empty battery stereo. Don't get me wrong here, I'm not writing this to bring you down, I'm just saying, I mean we live all our lives and might even understand the closest people to us, the ones we really love, or sometimes we understand the ones we hate the most, and no matter what... we never get to a point where we understand our own selves to the fullest. Ha... it's just life; a few words come and gone, ones that matters and others that hurt, and we can't remember when it started and will never know where it'll end, sometimes it don't sound too fair when I realize we're living our whole lives trying to just figure out the alphabet, cause for every single little meaning or emotion in our lives there's a different alphabet, weird unknown symbols that gathers in our minds forming words that we can or can't explain. When we were young we were too damn smart, easy to learn the words, easier to put the plastic little shapes in their designated places, they think we gain intelligence by age when we actually lose it, the only thing we really gain is experience and even that some people throw away.

So anyway, where was I, oh yeah, rusty... drill... all those crappy words I use to make you think my writings are a little bit more fancy, and you fall for it, it's too damn funny how it is to fool the human's mind, I'm not insulting you I'm just saying... it's a bliss, look at the guy bringing his girl some flowers, just look at that smile over her face, now imagine if we weren't fools, if we were actually thinking straight the whole time and not blinded by those words I was talking about... "What!!!... Flowers?! are you kidding me, these flowers will soon die; now that they're out of soil. where are we supposed to get a vase around here, you couldn't buy me some gasoline instead... you know how fuel prices are nowadays, I fell in love with an idiot..." and so on, well actually it won't even go that way, he wouldn't have brought her flowers at first place, she wouldn't even be in love with the sucker, and come to think of it, there would've been no freaking raise in the prices... and after all the only gift she would've liked would be 'Heaven in a box...' and we all know the poor guy can't do that now can he, no one can. So it is beautiful to just be stupid for some few minutes, be a fool and be fooled by someone who deserves it, this isn't as stupid as you think, this is just a level of sanity your simple brain activities can't reach, or rather can't acknowledge, but yes; your heart can. It's a priceless thing to do in a world everything in it got a price tag on its back, we're just a couple of steps away from putting a price tag on humans... heck we've already done that in some way.

I tell you what... this isn't taking us anywhere useful, so screw useful, I've already forgot what I was writing this for anyway, so let's play a little game... my favorite -after hide and seek off course- make a wish... make it two wishes, one that is reasonable with our reality standards, and another that is impossible... also to our standards, just wish for them, not just state them, wish them but be careful this is what you get, you'll never get this chance ever again, not everyone get to have a second chance in this game with me, at least not anymore... so you made your wishes?. I'm waiting... ok good, now just write them in a piece of paper, fold it, and put it in your wallet... purse... whatever you carry around on a usual basis, and I repeat 'usual basis' cause from now on you'll carry this shitty piece of paper with you all the time, folded and left alone, and before your mind races to any stupid conclusion... 'no' it's not what you think, yes I know I don't know what you're thinking but again I'm sure as hell; no it's not what you think, whatever it is, it's not a talisman, a good omen, a reminder, a conscious thingy, or any dumb idea they use in spam mails and commercial... god I hate those... so anyway just don't think this over way too much cause you're not going to be able to know what the hell is going on in that freaky little head of mine... well I wasn't going to say anything but since I already know the wheels in your head is turning I'm just going to let you on a little secret, I myself have 'no idea' what so ever... so yeah keep it down will ya, but I do know this, you lose 100% of the chances you never take, and every dream and ambition in your life will remain as folded and alone as this shitty little piece of paper of yours, as long as you never try something out and get over your (fear)s, (no)s, and (but)s... all your wishes will remain as they are... just wishes written in a piece of paper in your mind and by time forgotten, one day you might find a better excuse for this piece of paper than mine, I know you'll do, but just keep it like that with you, and one day if and when you totally forget what you wrote in it, open it up and read it just one more time before you throw it away in the air never to look back at it again, don't try to think what have you achieved since then and what you haven't, remember this is all just a stupid game after all, a rose cut of its ground destined to die soon, but it's sacrifice is for a price, a smile on some fool's face, and you're the fool... so just smile... think "what was that Maverick guy thinking?!" and I guess my work here is done... hey I made you smile didn't I, yeah sure it might not be before ten or twenty years from now, but hell what else do you want from me, nobody told you I was a magician or something, I just learned a long time ago, that life is all about fooling and being fooled, it's all about choosing the right person you'd let fool you, and this is what they call love... friendship... and all the wonderful, meaningful relations in our lives, my advice is, don't think you'll never be fooled, just be careful and try not to be fooled by the wrong person, and if God forbid; you were, just remember you're not the first one and sure as hell isn’t the last one, and that most of all it must've been worth it, cause the flower will die anyway and it don't matter anyway, but whether or not it made you smile for real is what really matters, believe me it matters more than you think it does, so never turn your back totally on someone you love or someone who loves you.

Last but not least... I wouldn't get someone flowers, as beautiful as they are; they are living souls, and their place is in their ground, whether a garden or a forest, so I'd go to them but not cut them out, but that's just me... and hey I wouldn't buy a girl some gasoline either, who the hell do you think I am, I'm crazy yeah but not stupid... would a ketchup bottle do?!... alright, alright I was just kidding, jeez, no one have a sense of humor nowadays or what, and what's the deal with "the look" I guess that's just another language, one that is harder to explain when talking about roses and gasoline.... "Roses and gasoline???!" the hell was I thinking... we really are a bunch of fools anyway, one who wrote this, one who read it till the end... sorry!

                                                                                                                                                                  Yours truly,
                                                                                                                                                                   A.MaVeRicK

Peace

           Peace… for a while now I’ve been thinking about this word, day and night, and I just can’t seem to understand its true meaning, Peace?! Not the opposite of war, not quite a neutral military state, and not a state national in-dependency either. Sure; not being in a state of war and bloodshed is good but, “What is Peace?!” really, a desire, an emotion, a state of mind, or simply an illusion,  I’ve lived to believe that there’s always a logical explanation for everything, and by logic I do not mean science I mean Logic; whatever human’s eyes see is true, anything we feel is a reality, whether it’s inside a dream a book we read or maybe just a simple imagination, it still is reality for us, nothing can separate it from what we’re used to call the REAL world, and maybe; just maybe, if there was a line to separate reality from another world, that would be it; peace, a place where neither reality nor dreams exists, somewhere else, I know I sound crazy, even to myself, but it makes sense to me, peace is never a desire, an emotion or a state of mind. Peace is a place where you can go, like a peak of a mountain that you want to climb, without a gear, without fear, it’s ecstasy in a way; that moment where you forget everything around you just to enjoy one simple joy of life, it’s not the joy itself it’s simply the moment, the place you reach painted with a color you can’t describe.

Peace & Reality

    I’m a proud member of the “lol, brb, and WTH’ generation, the world is an internet, a bigger version of it anyway, interlude net of politics, lies, war and commercials, it’s a circus out there, and the most common world someone my age would say nowadays is; “I don’t know how to trust anyone anymore?” and unfortunately it’s true; nobody knows how to trust, and those who still do are either suffering a serious case of amnesia or maybe just insane risk takers just like me and believe me there’s too little of that kind left around, either eaten away by over protective parents, failed love stories or our worst enemy; ‘REALITY’
What can I say, maybe I’m over reacting a little bit today, maybe I’m not. I just don’t feel right today that’s all, feels like I’m locked in the psyche ward and I’m clinging on to my last beads of sanity. Only thing that’s keeping me intact is knowing that when I sleep it’ll be all over, only so I could wake up tomorrow and start another day. You know that when you love someone and you make a mistake, sometimes you keep begging for another chance and you might not even get it at the end, well that made me think, maybe the world loves us more than anybody ever did, after all another day is another chance, chance to be better, chance to see another light, or at least a chance to think, and you keep giving up, closing your eyes yet the world gives you another chance, maybe this is love, or maybe it’s another form of hate, cursing us out of our dreams and into that filthy world one more time every time. Now I KNOW I’m making no sense, good… I didn’t want to make any of it anyway, who the hell wants to make sense when talking to himself, I AM THE KING OF SCHIZOPHRENIA, I’d make an army of myself and fight till the end, only problem is; I don’t even know what I’m fighting for or against; the world, corruption, reality, love, hate, or… or simply me, it’s a freaking salad in my head, a mix tape of all the worst songs in history, but out of all the noises there’s only one voice that seems so clear, some guy shouting at me telling me to get the hell out of his mind, and I just don’t get it, are you kidding me? Who’s in whose head? Who’s wrong and who’s even more wrong, who is really me, honestly, who is the warden and who is the guy who wants to be free, I guess at the end we all want to feel peace, what humanity’s been chasing after since forever, that moment that some of us might have it once in a life time and some of us never does. But what is it… what is; Peace?!